For You

If I talk real slowly
If I try real hard
To make my point dear,
That you have my heart

Here I go
I'll tell you, what you already know
Here I go
I'll tell you, what you already know

If you love me, with all of your heart
If you love me, I'll make you a star in my universe
you'll never have to go to work
you'll spend everyday, shining your light my way

If I talk real slowly
If I hold your hand
If you look real closely my love,
you might understand

Here I go
I'll tell you, what you already know
Here I go
I'll tell you, what you already know 

Done

I drive my self up walls, I dig huge holes, I break every rule, press every button. It's hard to not hate who I am. Or more what I am. Completely energy draining to have to always process situations, peoples feelings, facial reactions, choice of words, body gestures, eye movements, softness or hardness in the tone of voice, if they are speaking loud or quiet, and then having to guess (quite foundation-less) what would be an appropriate thing to say and usually this is not where I stop because I want to have the best thing to say. All these things are subconscious to others, they do this and do not even notice, or maybe they don't I couldn't tell you. To have to do this every time someone ends a sentence, it gets old, it gets tiring. I always, always, wished that I could be a socially normal person, that it was not so hard. That I would not scorn myself when I accidentally said the wrong thing, because I did not take the steps to process what I should have said. I sit all day, for days, thinking of how much people will not like me, they will not understand me. I drive myself crazy. I want to let these feelings go, I want to not care. Please, god, I do not what to give a fuck. Give me the ability to communicate. That is all I want, you have no idea. I have gravitated to things where I do not have to worry about hurting other people, my dogs, writing in blogs instead of talking to someone, a job where I never have to worry about other people. I dread, I dread, the punishment I give myself when I say or do something wrong. It is almost not even worth it to ever even try to socialize with others. My whole life I have been called rude, abrasive, a bitch, a brat, a snot. I don't feel like I'm any of those things, my inner self, my core, is not that person. I hate that person, that ugly person. The little devil that lives inside me. Who never wants me close to anyone else, never wants me too far from home. How do I even find anyone who wants to talk to me for longer than a paragraph. I can't even take myself for longer. 


Being alone solves this problem. 
I never have to worry about hurting some one, especially someone I love. 

Inferior Vena Cavae

It's the sound of a car pulling in the driveway
it's the sound of the key in the door
it's the sound of my lips
and all at once,
her eyes look over to me
she gets up
and she is there, she is always there
she is there every morning when I wake
the last breath I hear when I rest
she would rather be here with me,
than anywhere without me
she walks when I walk
she moves where I move
words do not change this
the name of the day does not change this
the way I do my hair makes no matter
if I ever look at her has no force
it is impalpable,
never lost
yet I can not even tell her my name

In this very raw, natural state
it is easy to love without boundaries
to love without fear
hesitation,  or reservation
the human world we live in,
does not see this
we love with conditions,
we love in if's
in pieces
human love, places love on a scale
a scale of time
scale of exactitude
scale of status
we ask, how will this provide for me?
when the question was never a question
but a gift of all knowing
all existing
In the highest state
do we then, not only experience this,
we live in it?

Touch

This fluid
the fluid inside of all of us
inside all living things
this ever flowing immortality
it's there when you wake in the morning
there when you rest your mind
before the sunrise
after the sunset
the beginning
the end
the source
it provides us life
quantifies happiness
it's universal
always cosmic
never lost
never absent
there are no gaps
there are no levels
no spaces in time it can't reach
no moments without  
it was here before time
it was here after time
this ever flowing fluid
the fluid of life
was never anything less
and was never anything more
than
 Love
it's Self

Arms

I never walked into this knowing, yet I always knew
 I never spoke with you knowing, yet I always knew
I'd never let you take me had I knew where we were going, yet I always knew
To have never felt lost on this path,
 though the road I'd never even known
 though the road I'd never even seen
To have never felt alone on this path,
 though the road I'd never walked
 though the road I'd never believed.
I know your voice
 though I'd never heard
I know your eyes
 though I'd never seen
I know your universe
 though I'd never lived it
For the comfort in them, is only formed from memory
Yet, with the intensity and curiosity, it as it was the frist experience.

Four eyes

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting the same result. To not step away, to not take an others word, and walk the steps on an already beaten path, is to live in a world you ignore. The beautiful world around you, you care not to look, to experience, because you are too busy making circles in your path. I'd expect, if nothing less, someone help me see my feet are bloody, that maybe I need some shoes then point me to a wash to clean my sole. I know, because it's not not logical to think, that everything in the world is already known; and then ever further, known to my Self. 


When you are on a road, hands grasped to the wheel of life, do you take the way that leads you to the place you've been so many times before, the place that leaves you lost and broken every time. Or do you set aside fear of the unknown and take that risk that could lead you to the tree of life? Where exactly you turn does not matter, what road you decide to take has no impact, because as long as it's a new road you can give your Self that chance, a chance. 


I've come from love, I've come from nothing more but it could be nothing less. If I ever wanted to do anything but help, I wouldn't bother to open my mouth. Faith though, I see, is not your strong point, it's not your point at all. 

Shifting

I've been here too long, seen the same things to many times, to not have reached my potential. And I've been using the word tap, more than I've ever. Tap into thought, tap into potential. I should not be lost, because I already know where I need to go. There is already a path and there is already an ending. Just as there was a beginning. Possibly smelling the flowers was all part of the plan, maybe taking a nap on the field was what I needed. But I put on my shoes, and it's now time to walk. It's time to be. Because with every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. It's time to start creation.